Sexual fantasies – a taboo subject?
At the heart of good relationships is sincerity. It is believed that with a loved one we can speak literally about everything. Is it so? Can you tell your loved one about your sexual fantasies? If so, then know: such as you are a minority.
Most people find it difficult to talk about their sexual fantasies. To this result, various studies came, including a survey of “Simplified Sex” conducted by TNS Healthcare. Talking about sexual fantasies turned out to be a very controversial topic: 50 percent of men surveyed would like to talk openly about their sexual fantasies. However, only a third of them said that they are capable of this.
Talk about sexual fantasies are very important for relationships
There is hardly anything else that, with the same minimal effort, would have a very good influence on relations: 86% of respondents say that talking about sexual fantasies has a beneficial effect on the mental state. And 75% believe that sharing their sexual fantasies with a partner means trusting him. Two-thirds are convinced that talking about sexual fantasies is important for quality sex.
Why is it so difficult for us to talk about sex? Ten percent of the respondents admitted that they would like to talk about this, but they do not dare. What is the reason? Fear that they do not understand? Bad experience?
Not all sexual fantasies find interested listeners – most people do not want to know about the secret erotic desires of a partner. “Often behind a seeming lack of interest lies the fear that we will not be able to satisfy the partner’s sexual fantasies. In a conversation, discrepancies can arise which will create an insurmountable barrier between two people.
At the same time, the purpose of such talks is just the opposite – to melt the ice. Despite the fact that the media every day pepper us with eroticism in some form or another, an open talk about sex with your partner is one of the most intimate things in the relationship. The one who decides on this, expects that he will find respect and understanding from the partner and the relationship from this will only benefit – whether in the form of a compromise or the realization of specific fantasies, “says Vibeke Neberich,
Missed opportunities due to unexpressed sexual fantasies
Theratalk’s study, conducted by the University of Göttingen, shows the consequences of silence in bed. The study involved 2,330 heterosexual couples who were thoroughly interviewed about their sexual fantasies, and about what sexual fantasies of a partner they would be willing to satisfy. The result can be divided into 3 categories: 1) fantasies that have already been realized; 2) fantasies that the partner would agree to satisfy; 3) fantasies that the partner is not ready to satisfy.
Thus, lost opportunities were revealed: 35 percent of male fantasies were realized by partners and another 36 percent could be satisfied, but men were too shy to express them. In women, it is 44 percent of realized fantasies against 40 percent of unspoken fantasies that could be satisfied. In other words, about twice as many fantasies could be realized if couples started talking about them openly. This would not only bring diversity to the sexual life but also keep many from the temptation of betrayal.
Unrealized sexual fantasies – the cause of adultery
This conclusion was made by the Getting psychologist Ragnar Beer as a result of a survey of men and women who betrayed a partner. At the same time, 80 percent say they love their constant partner very much. That is, it’s not about feelings. At the same time, exactly the same number of respondents explains the betrayal of dissatisfaction. About 85 percent of women and 79 percent of men complained that at home they do not get what they want in bed. Why is this so?
Only 31 percent of infidel women and one-fourth of infidel men spoke with their loved ones about sexual fantasies.
An even more gloomy picture is deceived: only 27 percent of men and 14 percent of women talked with their partner about what they like in bed. And after they learned about the change, no significant changes occurred. Although, it would seem, in such situations, couples should try their best to find out what their problems are, and get rid of them.
Nevertheless, two-thirds of the pairs continued to remain silent, exacerbating the situation.
Fear of getting rejected does not allow talking about sexual fantasies
“Fear of how the partner reacts, plus our constriction lead to the fact that many couples do not talk about sex at all,” explains psychologist Vibke Neberich.
In this there is nothing strange: after all, we are talking about the most hidden side of our personality. It is not so easy to talk about such things as, say, expressing a desire to go to the sea in the summer. In addition, we are not immune to the fact that the partner does not like what he hears. If the partner reacts ambiguously to our confessions, then we, in turn, may become frightened of ourselves, find our dreams unhealthy.
So silent or talking? That’s what Vibke Neberich advises all couples: “When your relationship has become so trustworthy that you can count on full respect and understanding, you should give proper attention to the topic of sex. Do you want to provide yourself with a long exciting sex life? It is very simple to do this: we must trust our partner.