libido: facts that are important to know
Often people do not understand that libido consists of two parts: mental (desire) and physical (stimulation). And they do not always work in tandem.
1. Libido is a bit more complicated than the usual desire for sex
Sometimes people do not have a desire, but physically they can have sex, and sometimes they desire a lot, but the body does not react. Both situations occur constantly and are absolutely normal.
2. There is no “normal” libido
Many believe that the desire should arise spontaneously. But we are all different, all our bodies are different. So, there is no such thing as a normal level of sexual desire. It can be spontaneous but often occurs already in the process of stimulation. Moreover, sometimes it takes a lot of effort to achieve the right attitude.
3. Attempting to maintain an “ideal” libido can damage self-esteem
This point follows logically from the previous one. Since for the libido, there is no concept of norm, then high, low sexual desire or its absence are equally normal. People who are worried about the inconsistency of their level of desire for a mythical ideal, get problems with self-esteem and sex.
4. If your partner’s libido is lower than yours, it does not mean that he does not want you
It’s easy to succumb to the toxic thought that every time you want, and your partner does not, then it shows its cooling. In fact, a person can simply have a lower level of libido. With your attractiveness, this has nothing to do with it. It is better to accept this fact, otherwise, the relationship in bed will become complicated and confusing.
5. Libido can change for medical reasons
All that is related to blood circulation, hormones, physical pain or discomfort, can affect the level of libido. Among the medical reasons – drugs (antidepressants, birth control pills ), mental and chronic diseases, such as diabetes or polycystic ovary syndrome.
If you notice a sudden change in the libido, this is a serious reason to see a doctor.
6. Libido can also be affected by everyday factors
According to Raquel Dardik, there are many studies that prove that the level of sexual desire is affected by a variety of factors. The most common is stress.
The higher the level of stress in a woman, the lower her sexual desire. It can also change as a result of the work schedule or eating habits.
If the desire suddenly disappeared, this is a good reason to analyze what changes in life have occurred recently.
7. Libido can change with age
The body and the brain change in the course of growing up, so that the libido does not stand still. For example, Dardik notes, menopause in women changes the vaginal tissue, so sex can become painful. This is a simple reason for reducing desire.
8. Libido is not associated with gender stereotypes
There are many destructive stereotypes about sex and gender. For example, those men want sex all the time, but women do not. Or if a woman has a high libido, then this is abnormal, she should be ashamed.
In reality, of course, everything is not so. The level of desire is not related to gender. But people in the power of stereotypes may start to think that something is wrong with them.
9. Libido is not equal to the orgasm
Sexual desire – this is not a guarantee of orgasm, says Levkoff. It may well be that in the middle of the process a person will be distracted or will experience discomfort, and then the path to the finale will become too long. If not blocked at all.
In addition, it is possible to get sex with orgasm, if it began without any special desire.
10. not associated with negative sexual experiences
If you had a negative or unsuitable sexual experience, it still does not say anything about your libido. Therefore, it is so important to know what you like and does not like. Then you can find out what you want with a particular partner.
If you have the low level and not the best sexual experience with a partner, then all this is unlikely to help you to want it more strongly. And, on the contrary, the tremendous sexual moments experienced with a person can ignite you, even if initially you were not in the mood.
11. If you want to increase libido, first understand why
Sometimes the desire to increase libido is associated with the higher needs of the partner, and sometimes – with personal experiences. The reasons are different, therefore it is necessary to solve them in different ways.
I recommend people to consult a therapist or a sex counselor to solve problems associated with libido. Most often they are in the head.
12. Changing libido can be seen if you know about your own characteristics and desires
To determine the standard level, you need to know well about your sexual desires. How often are you excited? How often do you masturbate? Only having this information, you will be able to notice some changes and if necessary, seek help.